Autism Watch: 2007

Posts Tagged ‘therapist

The last few days, we’re noticing more and more situations where ds is unwilling to listen to the reason, any reason. We try to tell him something brief and clear, such as “You need to get into the bath now” (after his 10-minute warning) and he blows up, yelling, spinning into a full-blown meltdown, ending with him quietly sobbing, telling us he only wanted a minor deviation in the plan but he didn’t communicate it so therefore, we didn’t understand. In fact, looking back, this is pretty much what has happened each time he’s melted down this past week; a minor issue explodes and we’re trying to figure out what pushed him over the edge and what he was trying to tell us that we missed. We can be face-to-face, him raising his voice, us trying to keep ours low, and struggling to communicate.

I’ve had a lot of people tell me “You’re so fortunate your son speaks.” Yes, they’re right. We are. And we are grateful. But, speaking doesn’t mean communicating. An autism diagnosis means that there’s some problem with communication, now or in the past. Some people who see children with autism that are verbal fail to grasp that autistic kids can talk, as in “where’s the communication issue?” Not only do they not see how far the child has come, but they don’t get the difference between speech and communication. They are two entirely different things. So while a child may have language, it doesn’t mean they use it right, or that they comprehend the meanings. Then throw in body language, and communication can even get much more difficult.

Last night, cuddling with my sweetie after the last meltdown of the day, I was really sad for him. He felt that he’d been telling us so clearly what he wanted, and not only was he trying to get out of doing what we wanted, but we really didn’t get his meaning…at all. And because he was so busy trying to get us to understand his meaning, he was getting more upset as time went on and making less sense. But, in his mind, he made sense. What exactly do you do then?

Since school is starting soon, and this problem seems to be getting worse (because he’s getting older? getting bored at the end of summer? who knows?) I want to make it a priority to work on. I’d really love some recommendations of good books to address the communication gap we’re experiencing. Or a suggestion of who to speak with: social skills therapist? speech therapist? psychologist? I don’t think he needs help, but rather we need to know how to work with him to help him express himself sufficiently, without the anger that builds up, then the sadness that just breaks our hearts.

And maybe it will also help tackle the meanness that comes along with it. I’m so glad he can say “I love you, Mama,” but the “You’re a jerk, Mom” hurts.

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