Autism Watch: 2007

Posts Tagged ‘rsvp

My son’s birthday party is this coming weekend. We invited 25+ kids. Do you think we’ve gotten any RSVPs yet? That would be a no. But, moving on…

The rules are give to everyone in class, or no one. We followed the rules, assuming if BB didn’t get along with someone, the child wouldn’t come, right? However, I guess not. The school sets you up in this no-win situation and then doesn’t have your back when it backfires.

BB has a boy he doesn’t want to come to the party. The boy insists on coming. BB tells him that he doesn’t want him to come. Boy threatens to hurt BB. Both are hauled to the office. Boy is told that threat is wrong, and BB is told that what he said is mean and wrong. I get phonecall where I’m told repeatedly that BB is a full-participant in this issue and is responsible. AKA other boy is off the hook and BB gets treated like this mean kid. In fact, I was told that the “poor boy had his feelings hurt.” What about my boy’s feelings?

Hello, autism, anyone? I did hear during the call that he doesn’t seem to be able to understand and/or communicate his feelings well. Newsflash, that’s autism! Of course, when you don’t agree with the authority figure that yes, BB is wrong, yes, that was mean, oh that poor other boy, you’re seen as less than cooperative. But it’s also wrong to stand there and agree the whole time when your child was being honest, something we always tell him to do. Use your words, Honey. Tell the truth. He does that and is in trouble.

The school needs to fill the gap. Don’t discipline him without trying to help him. I tried to explain that he’s doing what we taught him, and if they keep up that policy, what is he to do? He has to have children over that he doesn’t want?

Next party, we’re going to politely screw off the policy. He’ll hand out invitations as discreetly as he’s able to those he truly wants to come. If they say something, I’ll remind them of this fiasco.

On a good note, after BB flipped out during the “consequence” phase of the issue yesterday, saying “There’s no party now!” he is fine today. Apparently no further issues. Phew.

We did cover with him that while honesty is best, sometimes it’s also better to keep those feelings to yourself if it doesn’t do any good. But honestly, we didn’t think it was worthy of the big deal. He’s not in trouble with us. He answered honestly, and is just a kid excited about his party. Rewarding a taunting child and disciplining the one who tried to handle it honestly is bad form. I’m proud he used his words and expressed his feelings and we don’t want him sent mixed messages.

And maybe I should start calling the school every time someone says something mean to him. It appears to happen a lot but I don’t call and ask them to call the parents. Why are we fair game?

This coming weekend is barnacle boy’s 8th birthday. For the first time in, hmmm, ever (?), he wants to have a party outside of the house. This means we don’t have to order a bouncer, buy and prep a ton of food, and find a decorating theme. No online orders for obscure characters. No plugging in heaters and coffee pots in the garage so the adults can stay warm while their kids jump in the bouncer. And, no looking for rain or wind that will mean we have to go to Plan B, games and tattoos and face-painting inside.

It also means we get to put the camera, a guest list, and a cake and its trimmings into the car and head off to the party. (We celebrate his birthday separately as a family on the actual day.) Piece of cake, eh?

In theory, yes. But, around 10-11 days ago, ds invited approx. 12 children. We’ve heard from two. They are both (thankfully) coming. We’ve got room for 18, and I paid for 12 regardless. I complain about this every year, the downfall of the habit of RSVP’ing. And, bigger still, the worry that ds won’t have many kids at his party.

I hope the lack of RSVPs is just that, the lack of RSVPs. There’s still a few days before the party, and the thing I want the most is for the invited kids, or at least most of them, to show up, RSVP or not.

And, that quickly, I think we’re at three!

Parties are bittersweet — I want them 100% happy, but we have to worry about people attending, and then ds not having a hard time with something. This party’s been carefully constructed though, with lots of activities, food, and a schedule that will keep them moving. And we parents? Pizza galore. When it comes to party food, what could be better? Oh wait, the fact I don’t have to clean up the party food.

Bring on the party. We’re ready.

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