Autism Watch: 2007

My Son is More Than Just a Child With Autism

Posted on: July 18, 2011

Can I scream that any louder?

Maybe I’ve been dealing with autism for a long time, or maybe I’m just hanging with the wrong people, but there are days I want to block myself from anything and everything that is autism other than something related directly to my son. Ever feel that way?

What inspired my rant is when a parent I have known forever has an adopted son with autism, and he’s not enjoying ESY. (Extended-school year.) I don’t blame him, is what comes to mind. If he’s that unhappy and throwing tantrums each day, grabbing onto mom as he goes out the door and there’s no real ‘school’ during the summer, maybe staying home with mom is more beneficial. But I don’t say this. I can’t say this to this particular friend, because she is mired so deep in her child’s mild autism that she doesn’t realize that each and every conversation is about her son. His tantrums. His sensory issues with bright lights. His hate for clothing tags and his dislike for food that is square. His obsession with neatening up all the books on her office shelf every day. You know, the same types of things most of us deal with every day, so I can relate. But what I can’t relate to is her incessant negativity. I can’t tell you the last time I’ve heard anything positive about her beautiful red-headed green-eyed boy who, like BB, has a vocabulary that stumps some adults and who can tell you each and every thing about military aircraft. I don’t hear about how he just had photos accepted into a gallery in their town (as dad shared his photos one day with the owner, so his son is the youngest artist on display there ever!) or how his school teacher is cooperative and easy to work with, or how he can dive off the diving board into the pool barely making a splash. If you talked to her for a long while, chances are you wouldn’t hear any of the above unless you talked to her husband too, as I did to learn all the above, but you’d know how he’s still not potty-trained completely and how he doesn’t sleep at night. Oh, and he has an obsession with flicking his nose. (Not picking, flicking it in this odd way that’s completely eccentrically cute though I don’t know how his nose isn’t sore! Thing is, she sees it as one more thing she has to fix, and while I relate, come on, give the kid a break already.)

He’s her son, not mine. I don’t know what it’s like in her house 24/7, and neither of us know what he dealt with the first 18 months of his life before he was hers, so I am here for support but one day, I may just either bite the tip of my tongue off or lose it and ask what good thing he did today since I don’t want to have to call her husband to find out. (And in case you’re worried, she isn’t on the internet so she won’t find my bloggy story. In this day and age, it amazes me that I know three people who still really don’t participate online in any way. No email, no blogging, not even internet research or online bill paying! How does one do that?)

Next time BB’s having a bad day, I know I’ll likely have a lot of venting to do or I’ll share my displeasure in some way, but if I make an entry where I say nothing good about BB, let me know. My son is way more than autism. He’s a musical savant. He can do math far better than me. He knows HTML and designs video games. He’s drawn up a business plan and knows what he wants to be as an adult and how many kids he wants. He makes me laugh with his outrageous questions, and has far more wisdom than many of my peers, and even more than I have some days. When you talk with me, you probably won’t hear about autism unless you bring it up. He’s BB, and BB just happens to have autism. He also happens to be the cutest, most adorable, and most amazing kid I’ve ever met, and that’s what I focus on every single day. Even on the rough days, when I’m exhausted after he goes to sleep, I watch him and am thankful for what a gift he is.

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1 Response to "My Son is More Than Just a Child With Autism"

what a great post. I just discovered your blog today. i’m an animal assisted therapy student wanting to focus on autistic kids.

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