Autism Watch: 2007

Nope, still not better today

Posted on: August 11, 2009

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a broken coffeemaker. Hot coffee (if you can call it that) pouring out the spout of the dispenser onto my counter. Too weak to put in a cup, since the water wasn’t in with the grounds long enough to brew, so I had to lay it to rest out in my trashcan, hot water and all, all without any coffee. Thank God, I have a backup coffeemaker in my RV. However, it’s just a temporary machine so I still have to shop for a nice one. Anyway, my point is that yesterday started off bad and by the time I went to bed, I had quite a few more grey hairs and wrinkles than I did when I got up. The coffeemaker should have been a warning.

Last night I posted an entry about BB’s behavior. I mentioned how it was the first time he hadn’t come back to say sorry. Well, about 30 minutes later, he did. It was a lot longer than it normally takes, but he did. Then he went back to bed, minus the TV as I was keeping that remote hidden. How cute you are, phew, glad we got through that.


This morning all was good until we got to the school parking lot and he realized he’d forgotten his “Gangsta” hat. Other than the fact I hate the word “gangsta” and I want him past this phase of finding that cool, I wasn’t going to go home and get it and bring it back. Buddy, you need to learn to remember it. Gas is now $3+ a gallon here, the lot is more mobbed than Circuit City at 4am the day after Thanksgiving when they’re advertising $299 computers, and I work. Once he realized I was serious, he was ticked. He started rolling his backpack back at me in an angry way — which of course didn’t hurt me, but it did raise eyebrows of other “what a brat!” parents. You know, those people who see a child misbehaving and automatically assume I’m not controlling him. And sometimes I can see why it looks that way, as I could have pulled him aside and given him the “You will stop NOW” speech (as the softspoken, “Honey, this isn’t how to …” speech wasn’t going to work) but then he’d have melted down more. More people would have stared, and he’d have entered his new class crying and standing out even further. Picking my battles, I abided when he said “Go away and leave me alone.” I was sad…not because it hurts my feelings so much as I hate for him to go through life this way. He’s at school 7.5 hours, and I want them to be as good as possible. He needs to learn, to make friends, and to have fun, and this mood doesn’t do that. I still left though. I walked far enough away to see his bright shirt fade in the distance. And he never once turned around.

I’m not sure how pickup will go. My 20-yod will be picking him up, I’ve gotta stay geared up for what his mood could be like tonight. Nothing’s working. He has therapy tonight, so for 2.5 hours, they can work on it, but I’ll be alone with him on the freeway after. That 15-minute drive could mean a lot of ranting from him. I have a good stereo at least.


1 Response to "Nope, still not better today"

Good luck to you. You are a saint!

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