Autism Watch: 2007

And things were going so good!

Posted on: August 10, 2009

Sometimes, BB’s moods can literally change as fast as you can flick a switch..minus the switch. Things seem good, he seems compliant, and you’re able to relax. Then WHAM, it hits. The mood shift.

Not sure what brought it on tonight. He’d been testy all afternoon, easily riled but in a way that he’d just respond like “yeah, so, whatever.” A mean kind of sarcasm, intended to show his complete and utter disrespect and disregard for anyone else. His first day of school was today, but there were no problems there. We got home, and he told me about three things that made him happy. He showed me his homework, and I left to run and get yet another batch of school supplies. (But, luckily, none for his class! Not sure if she just hasn’t sent the list home yet, or there isn’t any. Dare I hope?) I came home, he was playing with the boy around the corner. You know, Boy A from The Day from Hell a couple of weeks ago. (Boy A is the good boy in the story.) He supposedly accidentally ran into a smaller neighbor child on his bike, admitted it, and I made him go apologize. He said “sorry,” and stalked off, arms folded, head down. On one hand, it was a huge step, something he wouldn’t normally do. On the other hand, we’ve got a ways to go. He even was invited to go to the park with another neighbor girl from his class. Yay!

Fast forward until he returns inside and I have to make him eat dinner. It was a you push, I push (not literally, just figuratively) type of dinner, where he’d eat a bite, wander, I’d make him return, he’d have another bite. And it all went downhill from there. I had to make him get in the shower, help him wash, and while he was in there, took away his Nintendo DS and assortment of related gadgets, hide his TV remote, and let him know there will be no playing outside after school tomorrow. I hate taking that away, but the “Shut your BIG.FAT.MOUTH” put me over the edge. He was made to go straight to bed after teethbrushing, without a story or anything. It’s been 45 minutes, and he’s still not called me out to say sorry, which is unusual. He seems so bent on staying mad. No matter what I did, he said “Fine, whatever. Shut up.”

Dad’s still in Pennsylvania, beautiful but in the middle of nowhere. Our ability to talk for any period of time is minimized by his work schedule and three-hour time zone difference. I’m up at 5am, but he’s already been working a couple of hours by that point. We tried to talk tonight — I went on a serious rant after I heard the latest form of ‘no new taxes,’ or as I call it, California’s stealing of my money. (Don’t we normally have to apply for loans? Why can they just take an ‘interest-free loan’ out of our paychecks, on top of increased yearly taxes, higher car registration rates, and everything else costing more. How do people live?? I digress. Let’s just say it’s definitely motivated us to be sure our house is up for sale at the proper time so we can get the heck out. I can’t do it here anymore.) Dh gave me lists of lists to write down, but when BB started acting up, it all went out of my head. I might remember when I have a chance to breathe, which at this rate will probably be on Saturday.

I don’t mind being single mom. I stay up later, I have my laptop out without fear of noisy keys, I cook when we want it, and I’m capable of doing just about all I need to do. (Okay, so I had to ask dd’s bf to take out my trash cans. But, that’s not my fault our RV is in the way, right?) I miss dh, but I was a single mom of two kids when we met, and I lost my mom young.  I’ve been independent for a long time. Sadly, I really miss the reinforcement right now. I am exhausted. 5am comes early, and with school dropoff/pickup, chores, grocery shopping, Costco trips, numerous Target trips, getting crickets and goldfish for the animals, cleaning out the turtle tank, signing the bajillion school forms, and then BB…I hate to whine, but I’m tired. I took a melatonin tonight, hoping I can sleep all the way through. Of course, that depends on how well BB sleeps. One nightmare or sleepwalking event will kill it, but I can hope.

Tomorrow night we have BB’s therapy, and I am hoping to let them know the issues we’re seeing and see what help we can get. I know he doesn’t want to be a boogar, but when he seems so unfazed by his affect on others, I have to look to see what we can do to stop that. He’s such a doll, so loving and so smart, but when he’s telling you to shut your mouth, over and over, and looks at you so emotionless, it’s hard to remember the rest.

I do have respite on Wednesday night, and my friend and I are heading out to see Julie/Julia. I can’t wait! Not only does it just look cute and I love Meryl Streep, but it’s about a blogger! Who here can’t relate??

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