Autism Watch: 2007

The Unspoken Bias: Verbal Kids with Autism

Posted on: April 27, 2009

I’m going to warn you — I’m going to be very candid here. I don’t need the flames if I offend, I’ve got enough already going on, so I really hope readers can understand that this is what it’s like in this part of the community and just take it for what it is, my feelings on a sensitive topic that I deal with daily.

Before I go any further, let me just say: speech does not equal communication.

My autistic child is verbal. Very verbal. His vocabulary amazes people, even his parents, daily. That’s the good news.

My autistic child is verbal. Very verbal. His vocabulary includes a lot of words uttered, yelled, and screamed solely to upset others. He speaks so quickly, he has no filter to stop the inappropriate commentary from coming out unbidden, towards anyone, even when you least expect it. When he’s upset, which is frequent, the words become meaner than the usual ‘stop,’ or ‘shut up.’ They might wish me dead. They might wish himself dead. And that’s just the beginning.

On a good day, or in a good moment, he uses his words to communicate more properly. He tells me he has homework to do, that he wants to eat cookies, or that he doesn’t feel well. Well, let me back up a minute. He attempts to tell me he doesn’t feel well. He interprets anxiety in ways we can’t understand, so when he tells me he has a stomachache, it doesn’t necessarily mean his stomach aches. He can verbalize that something’s wrong, but can’t always pinpoint it.

When he’s upset, he sometimes gets so garbled, we have to remind him to use his words. He can go non-verbal for a few minutes or a while. Sometimes he gets so hysterical, we have to remind him to use his words then as well.

Let’s take a typical day out of our recently, newly typical kind of week. He wakes up, we play our “I Love You” game, and he tells me he’s hungry. I make him the food he wants while he cuddles under his blue blankie and watches some recorded TV. He eats, spilling a good amount on the table, and when he’s done, goes back to the couch. I’m the anal/uber-organized mom who has everything ready the night before, so mornings can go easily if he’s in a good mood. Problem is, he doesn’t want to go to school. Today. Tomorrow. Ever. When I tell him it’s time to get dressed, he can whine for a minute like any neurotypical kid bothered at the interruption to Pokemon episode #317, or he can flip out and start yelling at me about how he doesn’t want to go to school, how his stomach feels pinched or how awfully mean I am for making him go. As if it’s not already upsetting enough to have to make him go when he’s happy, now I have to make him go when he’s calling me names and says he wants to go live somewhere else.

He has no idea of the power of his words. And even if he did, I’m not sure he’d care. We work on this daily. None of his tirades are acceptable. Every inappropriate comment is addressed. But, just like any aspect of autism-related behavior, it doesn’t go away overnight. Some of it’s such a problem, it never goes away.

So here’s where it gets candid. Despite so much autism awareness, people still hold verbal children much more accountable for their actions than a non-verbal child. People still tend to act as though the words of an autistic child are willful and intentional. They’ll excuse him when he freaks out because the vibration in a ceiling light bothers his ears, but they won’t excuse him when he uses mean words. When he gags up dessert because he can’t tolerate the consistency of nuts in a brownie, they pay him on the back and offer him a chocolate chip cookie. “Poor thing.” When he says it’s a “stupid brownie and the cook should learn how to cook without nuts,” the tolerance goes away. What people don’t get is that it’s the same thing. For one behavior, he gets “poor thing.” For the other? “Brat.”

So what brings this to the forefront of my mind right now? Our respite nurse just quit. We were called by the agency and given an excuse reason that doesn’t really make sense, and she didn’t even tell us or take the time to say goodbye to our son. (Hard to say goodbye when you cancel on your last visit, though we didn’t know at the time it was the last time.) The last time she was here, BB gave her a hard time and told her to shut up and be quiet. Definitely unacceptable, and we told her she needed to reprimand him, it was okay with us, and we also talked to him about it, in front of her. We thought it was over with, and that she understood. Instead, we get a cancellation for last week, and a permanent cancellation today. The agency is working on find us a new nurse, but I have serious concerns and know I have to have a long talk with the new nurse when one is found. (And I think I broke a new record for the number of “times,” ha that the word “time” was used in one paragraph!)

But, there’s a big picture here. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me how awesome it was that my son can speak, I’d be a millionaire. Yes, it is awesome, but it doesn’t erase all the other things. It doesn’t negate a self-injurious tantrum or a book/food/toy slinging-fest. It doesn’t fix the medical issues (potty issues, rashes, headaches), it doesn’t remove the sensory issues, and it doesn’t resolve the tics, repetitive movements and obsessions that get in the way of regular daily life. And it only impedes social interaction.

If you don’t know he’s autistic and you heard him get upset, you’d think he was just an obnoxious brat with parents who haven’t taught him how to behave. Now I wonder if the nurse thought this, and I know we had an aide a couple of years ago who thought it. (And maybe a teacher in there, but that was at our ‘old’ school.) If someone has the wrong idea about autism, they don’t seem to understand (believe?) that autism is a spectrum. A child can be verbal and still be on that spectrum. Being verbal is just a skill or tool that a child has, just like some kids with autism are savants and some can easily tolerate noise and some are able to control their anger without having a tantrum. If people started to view speech in that perspective, I really think things would vastly change.

But in the meantime, there’s still a bias. I’ve had a few people be quite mean to me that I’ve had the audacity to ‘complain’ that my child has issues. “At least he talks.” Yep, he breathes, too, so I guess I should be okay with everything else?

I understand that having a child who cannot speak is heartbreaking. I can’t say I know how the parent of a non-verbal child feels, because I don’t. But I don’t think that a parent of a non-verbal child can understand how I feel either. I wouldn’t dare to make a comment about their child, so why is it fair game to say it to a parent of a verbal child? Why is it alright to diminish everything else?

So this is a bit of a rant. I’m tired of the bias, and it’s finally coming out here on my blog. Because my child has speech, he is held to a higher standard. He’s expected to behave, to use only nice words, and to not get angry. He’s expected to suddenly have skills he doesn’t have, all because he can speak. Forget the fact that he can’t interpret body language or facial expressions, that he can’t understand the whole personal space issue or that he takes everything literally, he can speak! Why am I complaining, he can talk!

Life isn’t so easy on the other side of the spectrum. Everyone should say that, and mean it.

To you professionals out there that decide you want to work with autistic or special needs children, please remember they come in all shapes and sizes. You may work with severely affected, or mildly affected. Don’t just study up on the severe, the ones that are the stereotype of autism, but the full range. More importantly, get a thick skin. If you go into the field of special ed or medicine, or anything related, toughen up. Be part of the solution, not part of the problem. Yeah, that’s so cliched, but it’s real — if you can’t tolerate a child telling you to shut up, turn in your employee ID and head home. Sign onto the computer and look for a job a field without children. Or, remember that you’re working with a child with a disability and sometimes they’ll say things that you don’t like. Remember that they’re not your children, but rather someone you’re paid to do a job for, and that job is teaching and supervising. Teach, supervise, and go home and impose your personal feelings on your own children. When you’re on the job, do the job. You don’t have to like being told to shut up, but deal with it. Don’t dump on a parent at the last minute, ruining their only night out with their spouse all week long, and don’t add to their load by refusing to come any further because their child hurt your very delicate fee-fees. Suck it up. Or, try a new career. I have a job. I don’t like everything that I hear all day long, but I shake it off. And I even get called names. Frequently. (I’m in management and I deal with the public all day. Enough said, right?) I don’t like it, but I recognize it for what it is; I breathe in an extra breath, think about how I’m going to appreciate that paycheck when it comes, how glad I am to have a job (especially in this economy) and how I can leave it behind at the end of the day…and how that nasty person is someone else’s problem then, as long as I’ve done all I’m being paid to do to try to fix things then and there. Isn’t that the epitomy of a job? Doing what you’re paid to do, and doing it well? If you have moral issues with a job, then quit, but don’t take out your inability to handle something on a disabled child.

Rant over. Maybe.

I really think it should be required of any/all people working with children to be fully trained in all aspects of autism spectrum disorder. Don’t just train people in all the nuances of working with a verbal and a non-verbal autistic child, but teach them compassion towards both. Teach them to not treat one better/worse than the other. Teach them that just because a child doesn’t physically look handicapped doesn’t mean that they aren’t. Teach them to keep their pre-conceived judgments to themselves when they’re on the job, and remember that they’re dealing with someone else’s child, a child loved more than anything, a child worthy and deserving of respect, even if they’re not necessarily able to give it at that time. They’re also dealing with a family already overtaxed, and a family, and child, who need consistency. (Symptom of autism: extreme need for sameness.) Refusing to work with a verbal child is not just a change in your schedule and a relief to your overly-sensitive feelings. It throws a wrench into the lives of several others, and can’t be easily remedied. And if it’s not something you think you can find a new way to deal with? My advice is to see above, and look for a new job. Working with special needs children is definitely not for everybody, but if you put yourself out there, do it right.

As for me, I’m on the hunt for a new nurse. This next one is going to be the unfortunate recipient of a long talk about autism, and some questions on his/her tolerance level. I’m not going through this again. In California, our budget is so far in the tank, if we don’t use our respite hours, we’re told we could lose them. But, if our nurse refuses to show, and then they can’t find someone to replace her quickly enough (or not at all) how fair is that?  But I won’t digress. I’ve already written a very long diatribe on a few things and all the while, I’ve been listening to my son complain about having to do what he sees as an inordinate number of math problems. (Who knew “regrouping” was actually “borrowing?”)  I’ve had to re-type a million words, and I’ve had to stop two million times. His constantly incessant complaining is killing my concentration, and while I do love to hear his voice when he’s not mad, he can also go on and on and on and … anyway, on and on about a topic of interest, which in between math problems is “Total Drama Island.” In that time, he could have easily finished all that math homework. So the obsessive talking also gets in the way of getting things done. (Both his and mine, but for the sake of my point, we’ll just focus on his.) And now we’re obsessing with the social issues he’s facing during his days. Maybe we’ll finish math homework sometime tonight? It is mentally exhausting. Another side-effect I forgot to mention.

In the end, sure, I’ll take verbal over non, but please don’t use his ability to speak against him, or me, in any way. I can be very verbal, too. 😉

48 Responses to "The Unspoken Bias: Verbal Kids with Autism"

I too am a mother of verbal child on the spectrum. I am your “AMEN!” corner.

Me too AMEN

Phew! Hope you feel better after that rant!

Isn’t that the truth. My son sounds just like your son in many aspects. Everyone is always talking about are you sure he is autistic, he talks so well. Talking does not mean communicating or understanding what is being spoke to him. The school doesn’t think he needs an aide for Preschool because of his verbal abilities. It is wonderful he can talk, but it is extremely frustrating when people just think he is being naughty when if he was non verbal they would help him.


This is so true I have a grandson who is verbal autistic and he is a sweetheart sometimes then there are times that he is the most hateful child on the planet. He screams he hates us he throws things he has broken many things our biggest problem is school the teacher constantly had him in the quiet room because he gets frustrated so easy. I wish I knew of a better way to keep his frustration levels down because this teacher certainly don’t have any clue.

Wow!!! Thankyou so much I thought I was crazy my child is also been diagnosed with PDD although his doctor says he is high functioning Autistic child he is very verbal, and this is not always good, cause he says inappropriate things and laughs when things are not funny, or have a million melt downs when he wants to go to school all the time even when the school is closed!! He makes up words that I have come to understand somewhat and uses it often, I really think I know what he means but sometimes I am clueless!!! My child has been moved from his kindergarten class to another public school in hopes that they can deal with his IEP. I cannot afford the Autistic school in town and trying to get the ohio scholarship seems almost lost. I dont even know where to begin to get support!!

Ohio sucks for autism…I use to live in strongsville….try cornerstone….

Your tirade or commentary IS EXACTLY MY LIFE. I appreciate your well written description of what verbal expression looks like. …THANK YOU.

So much truth! AMEN! I just read on my sons report card that he needs to be sensitive to the feelings of others and googled to determine if I was justified or crazy! Thank you. You may have made my whole life. I now know I am not alone.

I am an austistic adult who is highly verbal. I disagree. I am glad I was always treated “normally” and held to the standards my non-autistic classmates were. I said inappropriate things and people would get offended, taken aback, even shocked. They didn’t just let it slide because I was the “kid with problems”. It must’ve been tough for my parents to hear the comments people made about me. But that’s the thing, it was hard for them, but it was helpful for me. I am not saying it was all great and there was no suffering, but in the end it pushed me to learn certain more appropriate behaviors instead of figuring it’s ok for me to do it because I can’t help it.

amen brother. feedback is the catalyst of change.

i make it a point to listen to people and pay attention to their faces. im trying to rewire my brain to emulate neurotypical abilities/tools. people are data points, and when you’ve seen enough of them, patterns emerge. ive come a long way… but theres always room for improvement. and many more obstacles to overcome.

I’m autistic and also a mother to 3 autistic daughters. I don’t think the author is implying that her child should be let off the hook because he’s “the kid with problems”. I feel her 100% here. In public, a child who is non verbal gets sympathy during the exact meltdown that verbal ASD kids get judgement for. No one is saying that the highly verbal autistic child should not be taught skills. But people are not trying to teach skills to a verbal autistic child during an “episode”. Instead, they are trying to punish those kids. People wouldn’t dare spank or lock a non verbal child alone in their room…but that is what people are telling the parents of verbal kids to do. “I wouldn’t tolerate that behavior!” “She just needs more discipline!” “I’d spank her till she understood that’s not how you talk to people!” “That’s not autism, that’s her being a brat!” Those are all things I have been told about one of my daughters. You can’t punish the autism out of people. Yet, that’s what people expect you to do because your child is verbal. Those skills take time and effort to develop, and chances are, the parents of highly verbal ASD kids are already working on those skills. I think the point is that verbal kids often do not get the compassion and understanding that non verbal kids get. Non verbal and verbal kids alike should learn acceptable behavior, and both are deserving of compassion and understanding when they have moments of unraveling.

My 6ft 250lb non verbal 13 year old has never got a pass for his meltdowns. I’d love to see some of that compassion that apparently goes around

A good rant always feels great, I say. My daughter was mis-diagnosed for YEARS ,since age 1 she had repetitive head-banging and screaming fits, now she is 12 and a half, still has sensory issues, some repetitive comfort movements but mostly holding and squeezing her cat ALL THE TIME and she is finally getting the help she needs to move forward. She was diagnosed a year ago with autism. It took one very good psychiatrist to listen carefully to her full history. Before that she had so many labels, her middle name could have been DSM. Sensory Integration Disorder, ADHD, ODD, RAD, bi-polar, PTSD…the list goes on.Social workers constantly ruled out autism because she was verbal. But, as you talk about your son, I see the same in my daughter…the USE of her language, often in mean, inappropriate ways that seem manipulative and stubborn. Yes, like a BRAT. I am the one who walks away feeling terrible for parenting her in some way MAYBE without limits? How is it that I have four other children who were parented by me and they do not behave in such grossly inappropriate ways?
One thing I always observed in my daughter was her desperate need for routine. If something gets changed in her day, that was when she would start to explode. It could be as simple as turning off the radio in the car or stopping to pick up milk or telling her dinner might be late.
It is also important, as you point out, to keep reminding our autistic kids that they need to say something in a nicer way, to stop insulting, to try to pause and think over WHAT it is they want to communicate. It does take a very long time and the depth of reflection or access to deeper meanings is just not EASILY there. But…with a lot of patience, it can be taught. I see that slowly happening with my daughter but it takes her professionals along with me, all on the same page and agenda, to address this with her.
Anyway, thank you for writing this.
And thanks to the few doctors and professionals who DO understand and those who do not judge the parents but look at our children, maybe not even for a label but for the gifts that lie under those surfaces of labels.
I am glad I found your blog.

THANK YOU…well said & explained. At least in the case of my three year old daughter and your son.

Is there a specific kind of therapy or counseling that specializes in helping kids like you describe or parents who needs guidance? I get so sad, mad and so frustrated sometimes with not knowing about or having resources to help us.

In terms of treatment or therapy, I find CBT to be effective to help my daughter deal with changes in her routine and the intense anxiety she feels when she must adjust to change. As in one example someone had of the autistic child wanting to go to school when it is closed. My daughter dislikes school but if a snow day suddenly happens, she would have hours of screaming. So cognitive based therapy is helpful, i think, and my daughter has done therapeutic horseback riding and will start that again in Feb. For her, she must be taught appropriate interaction with animals—she struggles when the dog will not sit in the spot she has put her, ETC…I think this therapy with horses works because they are so BIG and the relationship is one very special to listen and learn how to manage and care about the animals.
Last, I want to caution—my daughter has received so much mental health counseling. While I think specifically trauma-based counselors are great with certain patients, the RISK is they look at kids with developmental issues from a PTSD lens. I am a counselor myself and I have treated many PTSD victims. The anxiety can mirror kids on the spectrum but the exact treatment plan needs to be different.
My daughter had a mental health counselor for a YEAR who only addressed the SHAME my daughter felt at her behaviors in our family. Okay, it helped to examine shame but it took my daughter telling the therapist (in inappropriate ways!) “enough with the shame conversation!!!”.
Often therapists will advertise their specialty and psychiatrists who diagnose your child on the spectrum can also recommend best practices in therapy for the autistic child.

Get the book Son Rise. It changed everything for me, they also provide help for parents, children and teachers

You forgot something; ‘inappropriate’ laughter. The amount of times I’ve been told off for laughing at things others would express displeasure at, which only evoked more laughter. The fact is that when I ‘laugh’ at things most people wouldn’t laugh at, it’s not actually laughter, it’s an atypical expression of an appropriate emotion.

I live this life every day. Just picked up my 9 year old autistic son for another detention for calling his special ed teacher stupid and telling her to shut up when she was trying to calm his anger over another child taunting him (the same one again). You start to live a very isolated life. No dinners out a restaurants, shopping at night when Dad can watch him, no trips to the amusement parks so that you can avoid any meltdowns or the stares by people who do not live the issues every day. The heartbreak that happens after your child cries hating themselves knowing what they said was wrong but trying to explain how hard it is to keep the words in. Your fear for their self confidence and well being.

So basically, the school punished your son for a behaviour he was unable to prevent as a result of his Autism? And you aren’t screaming, “ADA violation!”? o_O
BTW, to be able to go shopping, theme parks, whatever, get sunglasses and ear defenders for your son, then put a T-shirt on him saying, “I’m Autistic, what’s your excuse?” Seriously, your son shouldn’t have to mould himself 100% to others’ ideals, they should be prepared to accept him Autism and all. I guess some people have forgotten the meaning of the word ‘co-operation’. Simples!

No. I won’t “deal with” your child telling me to shut up. YOU should have taught him to speak nicely. BUT since you are lax in your parental duties, WE will have to teach him manners for you.

Actually, my parents did teach me good manners. Unfortunately, on the day we met I had woken up late, which resulted in me having to skip my bath (I can’t shower because of sensory issues) and rush through my breakfast before dashing to college, where I learned that the PC I always use was down, so I had to use one with a number I don’t like because the others were already in use. After college, I had to attend a barbecue half full of people I don’t know because they are the people who work with my mother and their families. That’s why, during our meeting in Sainsbury’s, your loud screeching laughter was the straw that broke the Autie’s restraint, and I was so near meltdown that I had very few words left, never mind manners. But trust a plethistic not to think about the possible reasons behind any behaviour, preferring instead to simply react negatively to it.

Forgot to add that all the above came on top of the daily assaults I endure as a result of heightened senses, which is why I broke down so easily.

I dont feel thats fare because asd children catch on to negative behavior from anywhere and anyone we as mothers or normal people cannot control what other people do and say and we cannot continue to isolate our children from the world to keep them from learning normal misbehavior if my child told you to shut up and you where to disrespect him back i would have a problem with that seeing to the fact that you have no disorder and you as whoever you are should be able to control yourself better so what does that say about you you have no issues and your just as disrespectful and a child or person who does now who sounds more sensible you or the kid with the nero internal disease people like you are the reason why we hide our children because if someone like you can do that there is no telling what you would do to them behind closed doors but i speak firm when i say this id physically have to bring harm to someone whod do it to my baby flat out just like that im not sorry for being honest as well and that was not a threat that was facts

Thanks for posting this. I have to say, I have a non-verbal child and I agree with you. My friends and I – all but one of whom have non-verbal children – are so desperate to hear our children speak, to just get that sense of relief that one day it might happen, that we do often say, “oh, but he talks so…” as if that one ability nullifies everything else. But after reading this, I kind of see our kids as the same. Both do things that aren’t socially acceptable – they’re both still learning in that regard (my son runs and bangs on everything in sight, goes behind counters, runs up and hugs strangers – you know the drill). I’ve had people come up and say to me (or scream to me in several instances), “lady you need to get that kid under control!” No, not kidding. We’re working on it; he’s five (not an excuse but we’re working on one thing at a time). So while I know what it’s like to be berated and get absolutely no understanding from people outside of the autism community, my son gets sympathy from those inside the autism community. And that’s where I find my solace. I can’t imagine being “dismissed” by people who face this challenge every day, yet that’s what you get. I’m sorry for you and your sweet boy. Thank you for opening my eyes to it.

Thank you for this. So much. At least other parents know the torture that we have been through. My brilliant and very verbal 13 yr old just got (essentially) kicked out of school for manifesting part of his disability, through the use of “socially unacceptable” language..even though we have been fighting for 7 years to design and develop goals and structures to help him with this area. They have ignored us, our suggestions, our concerns (if I had a dollar for every meeting or email I have written…!); clearly they don’t see his disability for what it is, just assume the behavior/words he uses when he is upset or frustrated that they don’t like is “bad”, and therefore, he as a kid is intentionally CHOOSING to be defiant..recently, his teacher filed a police report on him for menacing. OK. Good. We are considering our legal action options against the district and are moving him to an online school.

Unfortunately, its not all about your child, every effort is made in our school to help each child in the most professional manner focusing on their individual needs. Don’t tell me to find another job. I do my best as do my colleagues but there is a limit to the times you can suck up being sworn at or physically attacked. Perhaps you need to employ a saint. Good luck with that one.

I think you need to have a special needs child so you can feel our pain how about when you guys are telling us to suck it up now how does it feel good luck to you

God, this is my life to a T too. She is obsessively yelling shut up as we speak.

This is my son too. Hes only 3, yet his language is exceptional. His comprehension and social skills are low. When we explain that he doesnt realise and that he has issues they respond saying that I must be confused as he can talk. Yes he can talk and yes he can read, he can count to over 100, but he cant understand when he has made me sad or why.
I am grateful, delighted and love that my child can talk and I love him to pieces. It is sometimes hard to get people to realise that he needs help, support and I can already see the battle ahead that you face.

When people ask if my son talks, Its followed with hmm how yo explain this, He doesnt talk , But never shuts up. He cant be quiet. If u call excessively talking to himself communication. NOT. He cant answer u if u ask him a question but can make dand for things items he wants. He repeats sayings and semtences he s heard and from barney skits he can repeat that. If people would educate themselves they would see that even though some are verbal they font speak what they mean
Theres a prime example of this in the book The teason i Jump. Written by a boy in japan and is translated to english. Its quote a eyeopener for us as parents and for the employees in the field. This is a must book for all to read

I am a retiree that is asubstitute school aide for autistic primary children. I truly believe that they have a different form of intelligence that we have not learned to access. I believe that some of their frustration is because we can’t tap into their world. But, I love these children because when I get it and we are on the same plane; they are a joy. And, in public when
I see a child that is out of control; I try to tell the parent I understand. Whether they are naughty or hampered in some way; they are small beings who need compassion and patience not my discipline.

So true! In fact we have had our after school care pull the plug on us for similar reasons, left is high and dry with regard to work and refuse to get involved in looking for funding for extra staff to help. It makes my blood boil that some disabilities and traits of disabilities are somehow ‘acceptable’ when others are not.

I feel for you, I really do, but I don’t like that this is some sort of competition. Like your son is worse off than mine because he speaks inappropriately whereas my son’s non verbal frustrations only lead to people calling the cops because who’s not scared of a pissed off 6ft 250lb 13 year old (+1 week) beating the crap out of himself, his school bus or worse still his EAs or me? Life of ASD parenting sucks on the regular. We should be kinder to each other.

Thanks for writing this. I totally understand what you’re saying. We’re raising our talkative autistic teen in a Christian home and he uses the worst language imaginable. If I tell him I didn’t make noodles (his favourite food) for supper or some other such inconsequential detail, he screams: You have the devil! I’m going to kill you! I’m going to cut your head off! F*** off! I hate you! You’re the worst mother! I love Satan! I love witch doctors!, etc, etc.

I think he’s smart enough to figure out that these are the most hurtful things he could say but he has no clue how totally unmatched they are to the unimportance of the event that’s triggered the outburst.

Being in public when this happens is painful and can be frightening. It must look like we don’t discipline our child and that we use foul language in our home. I wish there was a way to just stop it or prevent it but we haven’t found the magic bullet for this behaviour.

Not sure what the school believes about us. I think our other two teens are most affected by it. It’s difficult, painful.

I want to thank you for saying this my son is being diagnosed with autism and I’ve had people say he doesn’t look it he talks great he has words hes fine which makes me so mad because everyday me andy cat get hurt get things thrown at us get chased while he flaps his hands have to make the same foods every bloody day and deal with his intolerance and violence to hyper or upset children . My everyday is hard and it was nice to hear there are others mom’s with kids with verbal autism. Thanks again it made me feel better not being alone on this issue

Bravo, you reached into my mind and articulated my thoughts. I feel for you, I empathise and I’m sending you a big fat hug!

Thanks for sharing, I totally agree!!! My son suffers from the same treatment from professionals who are “trained ” telling me he knows exactly what he’s doing or saying .

Thank you so much! This is just what I needed to read as my verbal Autistic DD has been screaming at me for every question and answer that she does not like….Stupid, Fat, Ugly, with shoves and her sister as well. It’s very difficult to explain to her sister who is just a year older what is going on and to not take it to heart…and to not copy her! Thankfully she doesn’t. Holds it in all day at school but takes it out on everyone at home. All day in school she has learned to act like she knows what is going on when she really doesn’t. After calling everyone names at home she innocently asks to go see the next door neighbor as sweet as pie. When I say no, not after what happened, she is confused and wondering what she did wrong even though I reprimand her at every word. Her memory erases in a split second and you are still trying to shake it off! I feel your pain!

Great article . My Son has exact same problems

I’m an autistic young woman in the 7th grade. I have experienced exceedingly stupefied and unnecessary discrimination since elementary school. It is so frustrating when they don’t let me attend lectures because I’m not “smart enough.” I had to fight to be in the English class that I’m in, and I’m one of the best students there now. I remember in 2nd grade, a teacher put bruises on my arms and she didn’t get penalized in any way because I was “provoking” her with an autistic tendency of mine (scratching the door).
So if you think that autistic children are messed up in any way, I believe you have your head shoved way too far up your ass at this point.

Thank you so much. I share your pain and am glad to know I’m not alone in my struggles with my very verbal autistic spectrum son.

amen!!!!!!!! Thank you.—— Mom of 5 year old verbal (with speech apraxia), self injurious autistic son.

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